Blogs from Police &   
 other Emergency Service Workers

Police: I’m a Detective NOT Defective …

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

depressed cop

This blog was written in March 2014 by a detective who describes her experience of depression and posted on the Avon & Somerset police website. The author has subsequently kindly given permission for it to be reposted here in the interests of further highlighting the problem of depression and related mental ill health as it affect members of the police family and hopefully offering some small amount of support and/or guidance for those in need a a little help or assistance.

She talks about her early symptoms, how she disregarded them, how problems built up and how she finally got help. She describes her very positive experience of recovery and gives very practical advice to colleagues who may be experiencing similar symptoms. 

I would just like to add that if, as a member of the emergency services, you feel the need for help, or just to talk to someone, the MIND charity operates a specific help/assistance programme for ‘blue light’ workers >
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Police: Green Hair and Blue Cheese

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

green hair blue cheese

Did I tell you I own this great company ?

We are … without a doubt … the world’s finest manufacturer of high quality WidgetWangles (we’ve patented, trademarked and copyrighted that name by the way so no getting any ideas !!)

Our WidgetWangles are better, more robust, longer lasting and better value than any comparable product on the market … and business has been so great that we are expanding beyond all belief.

We now need more people to come and join us; quality people; only the best people for the job; only those that can live and breathe our product – and believe it … we need the best of the best of the best to become world leading ambassadors of the WidgetWangle world … to take our products to markets new and make the world a better place – indeed a WidgetWangleWorld !!

Just one small thing … well two actually. You see, it doesn’t matter to us if you know all about Widgets and Wangles. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve done work...

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Police: Who knows best ??

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog


This article has been re-blogged with permission from the site of Jeffrey Harris, Deputy Police & Crime Commissioner for Surrey.

Why on earth am I posting something like this you may ask …. well, simply because it’s 100% on the ball …

Policing as we know it in England & Wales faces its biggest threat ever …

The ONLY way to get the message to the public about what is happening to a public service, and let’s be frank here, they pay for, is to shout loudly, continually, and from every single angle we can.

Posted in the interests of creating debate.



Over the last few years with the help of some stupid people, criminal behaviour by a few, and own goals from all  sections of Policing; the media and many politicians have had a field day criticising the many for the actions of the few – a tiny minority by any ones standards, but that’s life…..or is it? Every day Police Officers and support staff- and that includes Special Constables, put themselves in harms way, rushing to danger and putting themselves between the...

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Police: A response to Constable Chaos’ blog post on Football Policing

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

A response & alternative view to my ‘Football Crazy’ blog by Alison Gurden, Social Justice Barrister

Last week Twitter’s laughing policeman, Constable Chaos posted his own impressions on his day of football policing Football Crazy . I have reblogged this below. While I can’t dispute what he says, because I wasn’t with him, his experience doesn’t reflect mine, nor the majority of police officers I speak to and who police football matches.

Most of his gripes seem to relate more to the fact he had his rest day cancelled, had to get up early to provide mutual aid, ad by virtue of the fact he was providing mutual aid he wasn’t familiar with the town, and he didn’t get a very clear briefing from the Match Command. My response to that is, I feel sympathy for cops who are now facing this on a daily basis in all levels of their duty, but that is not the football fans’ fault. As the Twitter hash tag says...

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Police: Football Crazy

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

football hooligans 2

It’s that time of year, now that’ summer’s in the air

When 22 wet gits, with their girly curly hair

Kick a ball about, for 90 minutes, sometimes more

And then cry to mummy, when they fall down on the floor

Ohh the rugby players, with their arms and legs all hanging off,

Laugh and call them names, cos a hair is out of place

They make millions each year but should get some proper jobs,

And a number of their fans are a bunch of smelly yobs.

(With apologies to any Spitting Image fans … ohh and any rugby fans who may be disgusted by the mere association Smile )


Yup peeps, it’s August, that time of year when schools have broken up for the summer holidays, families are excitingly taking their well earned vacations to places new and (hopefully) sunny, and you’ve just walked into your first early shift to find a plethora of emails telling you every Saturday you were due to be on rest days for the next 6 months has been cancelled and you are now going to be spending them cramped up in the back of a very...

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Police: Rural areas pay the price of police cuts

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

rural police 2

Guest blog by Mike Pannett

It’s no surprise that in the recent National Rural Crime Survey nearly two-thirds of respondents thought that the police weren’t doing a good job and felt less safe as a result. Government soundbites say the police “must do more with less”. The “less” refers to less funding, but the truth is it actually means fewer police officers. More than 12,000 front-line officers in fact, with at least another 15,000 to go over the next two years. That’s on top of 35,000 departing civilian staff, whose work needs to be covered by officers.

The knock-on effect is that police have to put much smaller numbers of officers where the demand is greatest, just to cope with crime and disorder in the cities, towns and sprawling estates. The glaring consequence of this, of course, is that it makes rural areas ripe for the picking.

We’ve recently seen a spate of criminal gangs brazenly ripping out cash machines from walls in quiet rural towns at 4am....

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Police: We ain’t in Kansas now Toto

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog


I’ve just read a blog post on an American police related website. The story, as the site tells us all of the articles on it are, is satire. No more, no less. Sounds a bit like my site actually.

the problem with this particular blog post is that the more you read it, the more it actually begins to sound like the sort of policing scenario we are allowing ourselves to fall into this side of the pond.

It sort of goes along this theme …

Police departments across the country are pulling patrol officers off the road. Police will still be on duty but will only respond to 911 calls. No pro-active policing will take place.

It quotes the now famous (or infamous if you prefer) Kansas Patrol Experiment as a basis for this change in policing policy and reason for hiding all the cops away until they are called for.

If you want to read the whole thing, it’s here >

The Kansas City Experiment, for those who...

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Police: Staples and Sticky Tape

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog

Jumble of metal staples

We live in austere times you know. Thought I’d just mention that in case you’d been living down a remote Peak District cave for the past half decade and hadn’t heard.

The last few years have been cut this, cut that, cut the other – not just in policing, but in all the essential emergency and public services.

It may appear somewhat perverse or at odds to simple folk like you and me, that an immense amount of money has been spent in the last few years telling us how to cut costs and save money but it has !

Looking just at policing, across the land, Chief Police Officers have had to make some very difficult decisions about how to reduce the amount of money spent on policing, whist still trying to provide an acceptable level of service to the public.

Whether they have so far been successful or not will depend perhaps on your point of view – public, police of bean counter. Yes, a thankless task I will agree and maybe subject material for another blog other than this, but some of the seemingly...

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Police: Love Thy Neighbour

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog


“My neighbours blocking the path again, why don’t you lot f***in’ ever do anything about it ? …. If you don’t sort it, I’ll f**in’ sort it myself !!!”

And so began the opening gambit to yet another call to police (on 999 of course !!) regarding neighbourhood disputes.

Don’t get me wrong, in many cases, problems between neighbours have festered for a very long time and evolved into some pretty serious situations, with lives literally being made hell by one person or family who is completely adamant that the general rules of society don’t apply to them …… unless of course they themselves have an issue, which is most days, when the whole goddam universe spins on its axis and for the gazillions time this month, revolves solely around them.

And footpaths, driveways and other such areas being blocked by poor, inconsiderate or downright illegal vehicle parking is the source of a great many calls to police; it fact, in some areas it can be as high as 70-80% of...

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Police: Holding Out For A (Real) Hero

Written by RSS Poster Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog


Cue the music ….

“Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the …” hold on a minute, ain’t that a tad sexist these days … why can only men be heroes ??

Anyway, moving on quickly. Picture the scene; you’re on holiday at the beach with your partner and kids, when suddenly you become aware of a commotion a few hundred metres off shore. Along with half the rest of the beachgoers, you jump up and start looking out into the now choppy waves and can see two youngish kids on an inflatable crocodile, being pulled out to sea by the current.

What do you do ??

Even if you were a strong swimmer, it would be far too far to swim out – you would likely come down with exhaustion or hypothermia before you got half way there and end up dead yourself.

No, what you do is call 999 and ask for the Coastguard who’ll more than likely page the nearest RNLI Lifeboat. In a remarkably short space of time, around the bay you will see a blaze of orange as a dedicated crew of...

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Latest Constable Chaos - UK Police Blog Stories

I’m a Detective NOT Defective …
Green Hair and Blue Cheese
Who knows best ??
A response to Constable Chaos’ blog post on Football Policing
Football Crazy

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