Turns out I’m not going to be the new Commissioner of the Metropolis after all…
Writing the letter asking to leave the job was one of the hardest things I think I’ve ever done, I sat there at my desk thinking about everything that had happened to me in my service, the good times and the bad, I think there were more good than bad really. Being at the scene of so many memorable events, getting to do things that most people would never even think about. I included some short anecdotes in my resignation letter, I think it was one of the best things I’ve ever written… It was three pages long… I gave it to the Supt and walked out in tears, only one person in the office knew what I was doing and she quickly ushered me into my office for tea and the good biscuits, and we waited… The boss will be in any second I’m sure, and I have my defences ready, he won’t talk me out of it…
“What, on Earth, is this Wint?”
“Erm, it’s a resignation letter Sir. See it says so at the top”
“Yes but why”
“There’s three pages of why right there Sir”
“I can’t accept it, no don’t interrupt me, I can’t accept a letter. There’s a form…”
Of course there is, there’s always a form… Said form has surprisingly little free space for me to put anything more than a few lines, so I printed the extra onto an MG11 and attached it to the back…
I guess he asked a good question, why? It’s one I’m still asking myself now and probably will for quite some time. Briefly, it broke me to see my troops sleeping on the floor of a police station, it broke my heart to tell someone special that I was having to cancel our trip out again because of work. And these are just the things that come off the top of my head.
I love my job, The Job, for some people it’s just a job, for others though it’s a way of life. The job defines them and there is nothing to them but the job, it’s all consuming at times. Guess which category I fall into?
How many times have I had to call or text to say I can’t come out, how many parties have I missed? I did it all with a smile though (mostly) because I was in love with policing. I get to drive fast cars, and do cool things and I get paid for it. How many people can say that? I used t wake up excited about going to work, if I’d slept at all which sometimes was rare…
But for all of us there comes a time when the job asks too much, when it makes you late for something that’s too important to ask forgiveness for. And also, I am physically wrecked, I need a role where the temptation to do loads and loads of overtime isn’t there, I don’t know how to switch off, I don’t know if my new job is the right thing. Policing is the only job I’ve ever had, it’s all I know how to do and I find myself doing it instinctively now. But I’ve done it to the detriment of my physical health, and my mental wellbeing so now it’s time to make the break into the big wide world outside the nick.
I have a new job that means I can use many of my existing skills, means I will still get to see some amazing things and be one of the people who are on the frontline of something. I will even still have a badge. Just means I will work from 9 to 5 Monday to Friday and spend occasional days away during the year travelling.
This was a very hard decision to make, I think it’s the right one though. I hope it’s the right one…
Turns out policing ends just how it started, by filling out a form.